Not Being Emotional

Articles , English , / Wednesday, January 8th, 2025

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By: Mishell Faisal

If you discover that you were adopted, would you want to meet your biological parents?

A pretty heavy question, right? A thought-provoking situation presented to me and my younger sister by our father, who enjoys delving into such interesting and bizarre scenarios.

My response was a firm no. Since I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where certain expectations might arise, which could lead to disappointment and heartbreak I couldn’t afford. One could argue that it might turn out great. Yes, but I would rather choose not to test the waters than try to carry the good or bad after effects of something I never intended to carry. This was my initial response, but it changed after listening to my father’s perspectives.

My response was something that my father wasn’t very convinced upon so I presented this same question to him and his response was vastly different. Not only did he express a desire to know about his biological parents, but he also mentioned he would be willing to travel to meet them. I asked him why he would bother, and he retorted, “why not?” He further elaborated that , although we may not understand the circumstances that leads to someone giving up their child, maybe they lacked the resources to take care of a child, or made poor decisions due to youth or immaturity. So its important not to judge. He shared a story of  Steve jobs, who was adopted and went on to become one of the most influential figures in technology. After conquering the world of technology and becoming a man that we along with the generation after us would remember as one of the most successful innovators. Life hit rock bottom when he was diagnosed with cancer, that’s when his biological father mustered up the courage to reach out to him through an email, in the hopes of giving him strength. Though they never met in person, Jobs in response, expressed his gratitude, neither of them taking an initiative to meet in person due to their respective reasons.

My father had a view, that perhaps meeting his father could have eased any lingering frustration and angst he had, and could have brought Jobs some sort of peace and closure. He emphasized that ego and pride often dictate many of our actions and while ego isn’t inherently bad, it has no place in parental relationships. Ego should never dictate our actions when it comes to understanding and reconnecting with one’s parents.

After an interesting perspective , he continued by giving an example from the Hindi film called ‘ Zindigi Na Milegi Dobara’ a story about three friends, all hiding themselves in a cocoon of fears but find a way in the end to liberate themselves from the shackles they were tied up in. One of the characters was abandoned by his father as a child, spent his life avoiding the confrontation of meeting him. Eventually, he decided to face his past, which led to a painful yet liberating moment. While the encounter did not go as he had hoped, but it freed him from the burden of fear and insecurity that had controlled his life for so long.

This analogy made me reflect deeply. All those preconceived notions I carried in the beginning, thinking about all the ‘what ifs,’ made me realize something. If faced with this situation, I could either choose to live miserably, as he did for much of his life, or take the step he did and liberate myself, instead of living in the dark.

We carry all sorts of insecurities, fears, and complexes in life. Taking one step towards something unimaginable could act as the light at the end of the tunnel.

I asked my father, “What if you were in the  shoes of the character in the film, who had been abandoned by his father?” He replied that even if his father had not wanted him around like the character’s father, he would still check up on him. He would respect his father’s wishes but would never completely give up on him. He would wait for the moment when his father might need him and continue to care for him from a distance. This response deepened my understanding of the unique and beautiful nature of the parent-child relationship, one that transcends pride and ego and is defined by being willingly selfless, even if the bond has been strained.

 

Conclusion :

In conclusion, this conversation with my father made me realize that the bond between parent and child is beyond reason, beyond ego. It is a relationship that is defined by love, unconditional care, selflessness and willingness to overcome any obstacle. The crux of the conversation was that whether or not one decides to meet their biological parents is a personal choice, but the overarching truth is that the parent-child relationship should never be governed by ego. There is a need to understand that family ties despite their complexities, remain the essential part of our lives, that can offer healing and peace, if nurtured with love, patience, and understanding.

So the hypothetical scenario of meeting your biological parents, as unsettling as it seems, serves a reminder that confronting difficult situations can sometimes offer liberation and peace beyond imagination.